You Know You Need It
Yesterday, a thirty-something man set up a call with me. He’d done one call with our service in the past, and he explained that he felt he and the PSO didn’t “connect,” so he’d called our Director, and she’d suggested he phone me. As I did the billing, I had no idea what his kink would be—I no longer ask, as I’ve found that there really is nothing, at this point, that I won’t talk about—but I had an inkling, so before I called him back, I grabbed my mini-tawse. Against a leather pillow, the mini-tawse make a perfect sound.
Once on the call, this young man’s voice shook. I gently asked him about his interests, and he quaked, “I’m really embarrassed by this, but I’m into spanking.” I smiled, and cried out, “Me too!”
We talked about his fantasies—he tends toward adult situations in which a husband/boyfriend “disciplines” his wife/girlfriend for typical relationship-spats, such as overspending. He confided that he considers himself a switch, and after we played a scene in which I was the “naughty wife,” he told me, “I don’t know what to say now.” I took charge, and I suggested we mutually masturbate while I told him a spanking story. Suffice to say he had a fabulous time. He ended our call by telling me he’d like to switch roles next time, and I told him that would be a good idea, as having me control a scene would show him how to control a scene. This young man has never played in real life.
Lately, I’ve had loads of boring calls, along with my most-disgusting call, and I’ve been “annoyed” with my job. This call reinvigorated me, as it allowed me to do what I love to do—show someone he’s not “weird,” because look at me: I’m professional, educated, and articulate, and this spanking stuff gets me off, too.
The people I speak with who are into spanking seem to carry an inordinate amount of shame. I should know; for nearly twenty years, I did, too. I’m trying to figure out from where this intense shame derives. It’s possible, I think, that it’s much easier to get a hold of BDSM materials—videos, magazines, and books—from Adult vendors. Thinking through the Adult book/video/general porn stores I’ve been in, I’ve always seen at least a smattering of BDSM videos and books, but rarely have I seen a real spanking video. Before I entered the world of sex work and began to shed my shame, I remember traipsing through adult stores and picking up any video that showed an image of spanking on its back cover. I’d wait for my roommate to go out of town, get a bottle of wine, and watch with anticipation. These few videos, though, never turned me on. I didn’t want to see a leather-clad mistress whipping her submissive with rose stems; I didn’t want to see a five-second slippering in the midst of lesbian sex. I wanted to see a full disciplinary scene—replete with humiliating verbiage (in which an adult is treated like a child), traditional spanking positions and implements, and promises to be “good.” I didn’t see anything like this until after I made my first spanking video with Kelly Payne.
Many spanking fetishists imagine not simply adults-as-adults in spanking scenarios, but adults-as-children. Perhaps, then, some of the shame, our shame, comes from fear of appearing pedophiliac. I’m sure that there are pedophiles out there who are into spanking, but most people into spanking are not pedophiles. They don’t imagine real children—I know that I never did/have—they imagine, instead, themselves or their partner acting the part of a child. I love age play, and many callers will tell me they want to be “18″ in the spanking fantasy I create. I usually gently tell them that they can be any age they’d like within our fantasy—and by and large, they become 12 years old. Some spanking fetishists were brutally spanked as children themselves, and they alleviate adult emotional suffering by re-playing childhood scenes in a consensual environment.
Some spanking fetishists were never spanked, but they felt ignored by adult figures, and thus the adult-play-time spanking scenario allows them to feel the attention they’ve long craved. (This is not to say that spanking fetishists neatly fit into these two categories; rather, these categories are common.) Some spanking fetishists are mostly interested in erotic-prelude-to-sex spanking, but many of us imagine “serious discipline.” We imagine tears, begging, corner time, embarrassment, stern lectures, and forceful hands and implements. Perhaps this intense shame comes from this interest in childhood rituals. After all, it’s not weird to like a few slaps to the ass before sex; what’s “weird” is finding sex in the ritual. For many of my clients, the ritual of discipline IS like sex, in that they find orgasmic fulfillment in the spanking act itself. This is, of course, what makes it a fetish—a serious fetish—for some: they can only achieve orgasm during disciplinary spanking play. Although I don’t count myself within this category, I have always relied on spanking-related fantasies during sex to achieve my strongest orgasms.
As most of you dear readers know from previous posts, meeting Kelly Payne and doing videos for her marked a major change in my perception of my fetishistic interests. Kelly is one of the most intense spanking fetishists I’ve ever known—as in, I thought my spanking interests were huge, until I met her. She loves what she does: she supplies jerk-off material to spankos. And, she’s often said, while sipping coffee and dragging on a Newport Light, “What do most people have? They work, they struggle to pay bills, they come home at night and they’re exhausted. They still have getting off, though, and I want to help them get off as hard as they can.”
Amen.
